The Badfic Game's going along fine. :P Relatively. My OFU story (apologies tomisscam for mutilating OFUM) got all screwed up on the site.
Now I need to go drown myself in Bleeprin for writing a slash fic between my PPC Agent Eledhwen and my PPC Scientist Lori.
(Sorry, Mrs. F.)
Genre: Romance, Rating: R, Summary: Lori Starrett vowed to never love another. But what happens when she meets Eledhwen Elerossiel? R&R please. No flames.
Chapter One: The Meeting
Lori Starrett sang a happy tune as she melodically drifted down the corridors of HQ in a long forest green dress. Her sparkling auburn hair drifted in the wind and her voice was like the trilling of a thousand nightingales. Her skin was as pale as porcelain and her eyes as green as the leafy halls of Mirkwood, home of her former lover, Legolas Thranduillion.
She sighed as she remembered her former love, who had left her to go to the Grey Havens. In her sadness, a single, pearly tear slipped down her porcelain cheek . “Oh Legolas,” she sighed wistfully. “I will never love another ever again.”
(Author’s Note: Just pretend she never met Bill Fallis.)
Lori had been recruited by the PPC for her skills as a healer but instead of working at Medical she preferred to spend her days in the everwhite labs of the Department of Mary Sue Experiments and Research. There she was an excellent scientist, discovering many things about Mary Sues and adding to the PPC’s knowledge about them. She would have been the new Lab Director or even Department Head, but she modestly turned down the offer.
But now as she walked the halls, she suddenly collided with someone.
“Ouch!” an equally melodius tone exclaimed.
“Who are you?” Lori queried.
“Eledhwen Elerossiel,” the elleth replied. She had dark hair as mysterious as midnight and grey eyes like those of Legolas. “Who are you?”
Eledhwen smiled. “The best scientist in HQ?”
“I don’t know.”
“You are. That’s what everyone says. And I think I’ve had quite a crush on you ever since you were recruited.”
The tears welled up. “But I cannot love another! My heart has been given to Legolas of Mirkwood, and he hath forsaken me. I shall spend the rest of my life grieving for my lost love.”
Eledhwen looked at her sadly. “My lady, my heart doth grieve for you.” She reached out and took Lori’s hand. “But I have loved you, too. Try. Try to love someone else.”
Lori bowed her head, saying nothing but feeling much.
Author’s Note: Please read and review! I hope I have Lori and Eledhwen in character!
*cough cough* Reasons why it’s badfic:
Eledhwen is not a lesbian. Lori is also not bisexual. Lori DID meet Bill. Lori fangirled Legolas, but they were never in a relationship. Lori is not the best scientist in HQ. There is way too much urple prose. Where is the fucking plot? Eledhwen is not one to fall in love/get a crush on someone so fast; she’s immortal for frak’s sake, she’s got plenty of time to do so. It took two years for the real Lori and Jennifer (writer of Eledhwen) to discover their (platonic or otherwise) love for each other, so there’s a total screwing with time here. Lori is not an emo kid; she is usually relatively cheerful and outgoing. Eledhwen’s elven grace would never let her collide with someone. What would Christianne and Bill Fallis say to this? Eledhwen’s style of speech is formal with occasional modern sayings (thanks to OFUM), not poetic archaic speech. Lori does not wear impractical clothes like long green dresses every day. She got recruited for being a zoology major, not a healer.
There will be more reasons… as this thing goes on.
So I'm also thinking of doing something so twisted, it'll make people glad that I normally don't write shit like this. It involves Eledhwen (the apparently Amazing Homosexual Elf :P) killing her partner because her partner, out of JELLUSY, kill Lori. And then the Flowers That Be end up deciding to let her go to the Galactica-verse and getting married to Laura Roslin before Bill. The idea makes me cringe, but yeah.