![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lily_winterwood*fake fanfare and applause*
I CAN tell if you're sincere or not, you know. I AM the (self-proclaimed) Lady of Sarcastic Randomness!
Lab Journal: Bill Fallis and Lori Starrett
October 23, 2008 HST
11:30 AM—Obtained spirit sample from Linwe, a First-Person!Sue, classification Puella firstpersonicus. Used Wraith-Extracting Pipette (that’s what it’s called in the Kit) to obtain sample. Now must go on more sample gathering missions to various Suefics.
11:45 AM—Obtained blood sample (by hypodermic needle) from Emerald, a Creator of Geographical Aberrations!Sue who is also a Tolkien Elf!Sue, classification Sidhia tolkienii uncanonicus fantasylandia.
12:30 PM—Got blood sample from Elaine Greenleaf, a Fated and from Modern Earth!Sue, classification Puella moderna prophesida.
12:45 PM—Obtained blood sample from Darla Shadowfire, a Hybrid!Sue (Puella mixta impossibilis) of half-Dragon ancestry. How is that biologically possible? Even if the author then explained it away, I’m sure dragons have a completely different set of chromosomes from humans!
1:20 PM—Managed to take a blood sample from Lilian Parker, Angst!Sue and Goth!Sue. That puts classification in a fix—is she Puella angstia or Rebellius stupidificum gothica?
1:35 PM—Took a sample blood from Faith, who is a Super!Sue (classification Mulier superioria). The b!tch Sue put up quite a struggle, but Agent Christianne (yes, we were working with her and Eledhwen again) gives a pretty good knuckle sandwich. Lori is still horrified over the Sue’s foul mouth.
2:00 PM—Lori nearly fainted dead away when we went into the fic Return of the Val’Istar. The place doesn’t even bear a resembelance to Arda anymore, according to her. Apparently Rivendell is not a fort. I don’t know any better—the Rivendells I’ve visited so far have mostly been comprised of Generic Surface. We took a blood sample from Linnadhiel Eärendiel, one of the Dea dubiosa sidhia tolkienii. She is classified as such for being the daughter of one of the Valar (and also for being a Wood-elf), for that is what the so-called title “Val’Istar” signifies. Also…why that name? Eärendiel means (roughly translated) “Daughter of Eärendil”, according to Lori. (Frankly, I don’t know how she knows this stuff.) My wife also claims that Eärendil has no daughter. He was the father of Elrond, though. I still don’t know how she knows all this…she hasn’t read the books!
We’ve collected seven samples. I think that’s enough to start with.
3:00 PM—Had a lunch break in the Cafeteria. Lori gagged on the Sue Soufflé. So now, we’re back to work.
First, we need to separate the Blood from the Sue Spirit of Linwe. Helen says to stick it through a Spirit Sieve. I haven’t the slightest idea what that is. Lori looks just as confused.
3:03 PM—Have learned the fine art of running spirits through sieves. That is…whoa. The Sue blood was seperated from the spirit, and Dr. Niamh, a fellow scientist, trapped the Blood-less spirit in a jar for further study.
3:10 PM—There are a lot of nifty gadgets here. Got all the Sue Blood Samples scanned for Glitter levels. DoSAT recently finished making a Test Dummy for us. You inject Glitter into the Dummy and it becomes a Mary Sue. It will be useful for the actual experiments.
Lori has finished recording data. We have a hypothesis. Now for the experiments.
3:15 PM—Portalled into DoSAT to pick up Test Dummy and the Glitter Injection Thingy. (Yes, PPC Terminology is pretty…vague.) Learned how to use Dummy, Portal Thingy (Professionally known as the Remote Activator), and Glitter Injection Thingy.
3:30 PM—Bill taught me how to use our new gadgets. Must be very careful with it…
3:47 PM—Injected 120 GL (Glitter Level, used to determine amounts of Glitter in something) into Test Dummy. It turned into a Saintly!Sue (Humanis perfectis).
3:58 PM—After 80 GLs more of that stuff, H. perfectis turned into Puella numerowreckia, commonly known as a Tenth Walker!Sue, a Fifth Paravel Throne!Sue, a Fourth Trio Member!Sue, and so on.
4:13 PM—P. numerowreckia is now Rebellius stupidificum gothica, or Goth!Sue. That came after about 35 GL.
4:34 PM—Injected 280 GL into the Dummy. Goth!Sue is now Fairy!Sue, Sidhia sidhia.
I think we have enough information. Now Lori suggests doing a lab write-up.
Lab Write-up
Question: Does the amount of Glitter in Sue Blood affect the type of Sue it will be?
Materials: Samples of Sue Blood, vials, hypodermic needles (for blood extraction), Wraith-Extracting Pipette (for spirit extraction), Spirit sieve (for seperating Wraith from Sue Blood), Glitter Injection Thingy, Test Dummy, Glitter scans
Background Info: In Sue Blood, Glitter is an important component. It is just as important as the red blood cells, because without Glitter there would be no sparkly Sue. Glitter is composed partly of micas, like muscovite, biotite, and chlorite. Why? Micas are shiny, that’s why.
Procedure:
Collect blood/spirit samples from Sues. (Spirit samples necessary only when it is a Canon!Sue [Psuedocanonica], First-Person!Sue [P. firstpersonicus], and Second-Person!Sue [P. secondpersonicus].)
Scan samples for GL, or Glitter Level. Record GLs.
Take a Test Dummy and use the Glitter Injection Thingy to inject carefully measured amounts of Glitter into Dummy.
Record observations.
Repeat previous two steps until enough data is gained.
Hypothesis: We, Bill Fallis and Lori Starrett, hypothesize that the amount of glitter in a Sue’s body does affect its species. Glitter is a crucial part of the Suvian anatomy, after all.
Illustrations:
Data Table and Graph:
Species | Level of Glitter |
P. firstpersonicus | 645.928 GL |
S. tolkienii uncanonicus fantasylandia | 397 GL |
P. moderna prophesida | 458.3475 GL |
P. mixta impossiblis | 586.63 GL |
R. stupidificum gothica angstia | 238.3 GL |
M. superioria | 786.54 GL |
D. dubiosa sidhia tolkienii | 698.5434 GL |
Species | GLs needed |
H. perfectis | 120 |
P. numerowreckia | 200 |
R. stupidificum gothica | 235 |
S. sidhia | 515 |
Results: By the Glitter Levels, we can deduce that certain types of Mary Sues need certain amounts of Glitter. The whole thing sits on a spectrum…let’s call it the Spectrum of Sue Species.
Procedural Errors:
1) We only collected samples from seven Sues. There are certaintly more Suvian species than that.
2) We only tested out the Glitter on the Dummy for four times.
Conclusion: Mary Sues have a mica-rich substance called Glitter running in their blood. This Glitter has varied amounts in each Sue’s body, depending on the type. The less Glitter there is, the more…Not-Sueish the Sue will be.
Applications and Further Research: This experiment can be used for further research about the Spectrum of Sue Species. Also, for the Agents who do not like killing anything, maybe they can try to decrease the Glitter level in Sues they come up against. This method has not been tested, and in fact, there is no method right now. That is for future research.
So, that's our speshul pilot mission. The graph will be coming up in the following post.
EDIT: Nevermind. The graph will NOT be coming up. If you want to see it, tell me in a comment and give me your email so I can send it to you.
