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lily_winterwoodOn a side note, much of the going-ons in the story reflect my own trip to the Grand Canyon.
Title: That Little Bird Is Gonna Jump...
Author: Lily Winterwood
Rating: K
Fandom: BSG
Characters: Bill Adama, Laura Roslin, Lee Adama, Kara Thrace, and Billy Keikeya
Pairings: A/R
Summary: Total AU crack. Bill, Laura, Lee, Kara, and Billy visit the Grand Canyon (and Lee and Billy have issues). No spoilers for anything.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Grand Canyon, nor do I own BSG. This is sheer crack, and RDM and the National Park Service would have never thought up such an atrocity.
That Little Bird Is Gonna Jump...
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there now?"
"No."
"What time is it?"
"Noon."
"Where are we?"
"The freeway out of Flagstaff."
"So are we there yet?"
"NO! For frak's sake, Lee, SHUT THE FRAK UP!"
"But Laura…"
"ACT YOUR AGE, LEE!"
"Fine." Skulking like a chastised child, Lee Adama pouts in his seat in the back of the car. Next to him, Kara Thrace cracks a smile.
"Gods, Lee. If my stepmother was hot like yours, I'd pay attention."
"You're not helping."
Laura Roslin (Adama) groans as she turns her head back to the front. "We should have never agreed to this road trip, Bill," she sighs as she massages her temples.
In the driver's seat, Bill chuckles. "At least today wasn't as bad as yesterday or the day before."
"Don't remind me of the drive from Los Angeles to Flagstaff, Bill. PLEASE."
"Alright. I'll just talk about the drive to that wild animal park and to Sedona."
"No." Laura turns her head back and peers into the third row of seats, where Billy Keikeya is sitting with his earphones planted firmly in his ears. "You doing all right, Billy?" she calls.
"I'm great, Laura," he replies, holding up his latest acquirement—an apple-green iPod.
Laura smiles. "That's nice."
Lee pouts even more when he hears that. "Why does Billy get preferential treatment?" he complains.
"Because he's Billy."
Lee scoffs at that and turns to Kara. "You hear that? My stepmom picks favorites!"
Kara sniggers. "Maybe it's because you and I have problems and Billy doesn't."
"Maybe it's because he's Bill with a 'y'."
"Or maybe, just maybe," Billy adds, "I actually help her."
"Suck up."
Laura shakes her head. "Childish banter," she sighs as she looks at Bill. "How do you put up with it?"
"I haven't the slightest idea."
~~
"Are we there yet?" Lee asks again a few hours later.
"Nearly. We're at the gates," Laura replies as Bill hands the money over to a ranger at the booth.
"There's so many people," Kara murmurs as she looks out the window. "Are you sure we're at the Grand Canyon? It looks more like a Grand Forest to me."
"We're at the Grand Canyon, for the Gods' sakes." Laura keeps herself resolutely facing forward. "We'll be at the Rim soon enough."
Lee sighs. "Why didn't we take a Raptor?" he demands.
"To blend in." The SUV makes its merry way along the road, flanked by cars on every side.
After a few minutes of mindlessly driving around in search of a parking spot, Bill finally secures one by the edge of the road, wedged in between a pick-up truck and a sedan. "Okay, everyone. Out you go," he says as he opens the door. "It's cold outside, so take care."
~~
"Cold is a frakking understatement," Kara grumbles as they walk up to the visitor center.
"I heard it's going to snow," Billy adds cheerfully.
"Have I ever mentioned that I hate you?" Lee groans as they enter the visitor's center.
"Plenty of times, yeah."
Laura and Bill head up to the desk, Laura rolling her eyes at the trio behind her.
~~
The Grand Canyon is one of the seven wonders of the natural world for a good reason. Towering limestone, sandstone, and shale cliffs loom over the Colorado River. The layers of rock are clearly seen in the sunlight, gleaming with a myriad of colors. On the opposite end, dark clouds gather omniously while on the South Rim, where they are, the sun is there but hasn't made its presence known yet.
The wind in the Grand Canyon on this particular day is howling and crashing upon their eardrums as Laura, Bill, Billy, Kara, and Lee make their way towards the rim. But once there, any previous thoughts of cold went whooshing out the back door as the five gaze upon the Canyon's vast beauty.
"Oh my Gods," Laura whispers as she leans on the guard rail, looking at the vista.
Bill, standing next to her, gently squeezes her hand. Smiling, Laura turns to look at him. "This is just amazing."
"Even amazing isn't enough to describe it," Bill agrees.
"So say we all," Laura breathes, looking out again. She feels him move closer to him and welcomes the contact, their hands resting together on the guard rail and Laura's red hair blowing in the breeze.
When they look at each other again, Bill leans in as if to kiss her…
"That bird's going to jump!" Lee's voice suddenly exclaims, shattering the moment. "Hey, Laura, that little bird's gonna jump; why can't I? I wanna jump!"
Laura buries her face in her hand. "When will you ever learn?" she moans.
If this crack deserves a Vegas or Sedona or Flagstaff sequel, tell me. I'm not too thrilled about it, but hey, fanservice is fanservice.
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Date: 2009-04-21 01:55 am (UTC)And I'm really amused that you decided to disclaim that you don't actually own the Grand Canyon.
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Date: 2009-04-21 01:59 am (UTC)I wish I did. Then I'd build a cabin. x]
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Date: 2009-04-21 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 03:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 03:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 05:23 am (UTC)Having just (for the first time in my life) visited the Grand Canyon and Sedona (and drove out of Flagstaff on the freeway to get to the Grand Canyon) all just last week, I can picture exactly where they were.
I should, therefore, ask for a Sedona sequel (since I spent a week there up to last Friday), but I wish to take pity on you (and on Laura and Bill. I'm not sure how much more of Lee they can take...)
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Date: 2009-04-21 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 07:53 am (UTC)*giggles*
Are we there yet?
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Date: 2009-04-21 02:33 pm (UTC)Maybe I WILL do a sequel... ;]
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Date: 2009-04-21 09:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 06:12 pm (UTC)VEGAS SEQUEL!!!!!!
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Date: 2009-04-21 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-21 10:45 pm (UTC)Glad you like. :]
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Date: 2009-04-26 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-23 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-23 04:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-23 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-23 04:55 am (UTC)